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Parenting Level…..Expert

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said,

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“If there’s anything you want to know, just ask me.”

 

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This Cashier Was Furious When A Woman Came In Minutes Before Closing.

Okay, so I’ve worked at wally-world for a few years. One night right before the end of my shift a middle aged woman came through my line with a ton of groceries. Being the under-paid slave I am, I was pissed, this huge order 3 minutes till I leave. I wasn’t too happy with her to begin with, but after talking for 5 or so minutes I started liking her, she was telling me how hard she had it, and how she had just got on food stamps, and this was her first good meal in forever. I was finishing her order when she did her food stamps card, not enough…So she rummaged through her purse and came up with a fiver. Still not enough. Her total was 7.77.

I hadn’t got paid since 2 weeks prior so I was short on cash. I decided that I didn’t need lunch for the next 3 days, and took out my wallet handed her my debt card and told her my pin. She just stood there and stared at me. She told me no and I told her to do it and she reluctantly agreed. After the transaction was finished she handed me the $5 bill, I looked at her, sat it in front of her and said go buy yourself something nice.

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She picked it up, and just started bawling her eyes out. Came around and gave me a hug, and cried some more and told me thank you countless times. She told me she’d find a way to pay me back, but I told her I didn’t want her to pay me back, but to help someone else when they were in need, she told me she would. I then told her to have a nice night and sent her on her way. As I was leaving I saw her pulling out of the parking lot still crying with her mother driving. That night made a big impact on me, I was happy I could help someone in need, and sad there are people that have it that bad.

Months later, I was still working at wally-world and as always, I was short on cash. My rent was overdue by a week at that point and I needed a hundred or so dollars to be able to pay for it or I’d have to ask friends to lend me money and I don’t enjoy doing that.

Out of nowhere, the woman whom I’d met months before arrived at the store and she told me that she’d recently landed a job and had me to thank for it because I helped her through a really difficult time. I spoke to her for a few minutes and she inquired about my own well being, knowing that I was struggling just like she was months ago. She pulled out a hundred dollars from her wallet when she heard that I needed money for rent.

I refused, of course, but she insisted on giving it to me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I guess I took it and thanked her so much for it. I haven’t cried this hard for a very long time. I’m always reminded in the kindness of strangers and I’m so glad I was able to help her when I did. What goes around comes around.

Talk about a blast from the past…

What happened in the past often stays with you and affects the present – and sometimes in very unexpected ways. This is one such story.

A woman is pregnant with triplets. One day she goes into a bank just as it’s being held up. The robbery goes wrong and she gets shot 3 times in the stomach, but luckily she lives.

She gets rushed to the hospital, where she sees a doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will simply come out.

15 years later, one of her triplets, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says “MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!”

So the mother tells her the story of what happened 15 years ago.

The next day, the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, “MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!”

Once again, the mother tells the story of what happened 15 years ago.

On the third day the son comes out and says “MOM, MOM!”

She smiles and asks, “Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?”

The boy replies, “No, I was jerking off and suddenly I shot the dog!”
(source)

Here’s Why You Never Ever Cheat On Your Spouse. What This (Soon-To-Be-Ex) Wife Did Is EPIC.

When spouses cheat on each other, the fallout can be absolutely disastrous.
Making a scene in public isn’t that uncommon, but this clever wife in Texas found a better,
subtler way to let everyone know how disappointed she was in her cheating husband.
She took out a classified ad in a Texas newspaper, sending a message
out to her husband and his message, signed with love. You’re going to love this.

When Timeshia Brown discovered her husband Patrick was sleeping around and
got a girl pregnant, she didn’t set his car on fire. She did, however,
find a better way to burn him. Her ad reads:
I would like to say congratulations to Shara Cormier and Patrick Brown.
They are expecting a baby.
Hope you both are really in love and I hope it works out.
Always,
Patrick’s wife,
Timeshia Brown.
It’s possible she meant some of the well-wishing, but you know for sure
she was laughing all the way to the newspaper.

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Here’s Why You Never Ever Cheat On Your Spouse. What This (Soon-To-Be-Ex) Wife Did Is EPIC.

When the bride came out in a different dress, the crowd erupted in cheers!

The two lovebirds Trent and Annalisa Brookshier decided to do something special after their first wedding dance. It’s a tradition that the first dance between the newlyweds is rather slow, intimate and emotional, but these two wanted to make sure their second dance together would be just as memorable.

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Her boss refused to excuse her to the bathroom knowing it was “that time of the month “…

There is a problem that comes up when women have to work with men in the office. No, it’s not the problem that you think it is. You might be shocked how little men understand this about women. This really isn’t rocket science. All I am saying is, when you’re doing reading this, think if there’s anyone you know who is this ignorant, because you really need to make sure they get educated.

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A little twisted humor to brighten your day!!

Road kill chili
A little twisted humor to brighten your day!! Enjoy the laugh!!

WARNING : ONLY Read This When You Are Able To LAUGH OUT LOUD.

I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented ‘you’re definitely going to crap yourself’ road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here’s the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No ‘Watson’s Movement. Despite the chilies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as ‘thunder and lightning’.

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the deck. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn’t until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me.

Oh, don’t look at me like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m referring to that ‘Uh, Oh, CRAP, gotta go’ pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chilies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chilies fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red apron clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help.

I don’t know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here’s what I mean, and I’m sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could’ve warned that poor clerk, but didn’t. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ……….BIG mistake!!!!!

Here’s the thing. When you laugh, it’s hard to keep things ‘clamped down’, if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.. Suddenly things were no longer funny. ‘It’ was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I’d make it before the grand explosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the e inevitable ‘Oh my God’, floating above the toilet seat because my butt is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of ‘Shock and Awe’.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, ‘Son-of-a-b****!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?’, then quickly left.

Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, ‘Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.’

My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, ‘IT’S YOU!’, then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can’t say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter.. Bastards claim they’re going to have to repaint the store.

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