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The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches……

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need… A new suit.” He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.” The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let’s see…size 44 long.”

Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”

‘Been in the business 60 years!’ the tailor said.


Joe tried on the suit; it fitted perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”

Joe was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.”

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let’s see…size 36.”

Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you, I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34.
A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

New suit – $400
New shirt – $36
New underwear – $6
Second opinion – PRICELESS


Saying The Right Thing…

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!”
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, “Son, what happened last ! night?”
His son says, “Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door.”
Confused, Marty asks, “So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?”
His son replies, “Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said,
“Lady, leave me alone! I’m married!”
Self-induced hangover — $100.00
Broken furniture — $2,000.00
Breakfast — $10.00
Saying The Right Thing While Drunk – PRICELESS


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