A Couple From LA Was Worried What Their Little Boy Will Become When He Grows Up. But Were Shocked When They Asked Him This.
On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice. Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said,
“If there’s anything you want to know, just ask me.”
Okay, so I’ve worked at wally-world for a few years. One night right before the end of my shift a middle aged woman came through my line with a ton of groceries. Being the under-paid slave I am, I was pissed, this huge order 3 minutes till I leave. I wasn’t too happy with her to begin with, but after talking for 5 or so minutes I started liking her, she was telling me how hard she had it, and how she had just got on food stamps, and this was her first good meal in forever. I was finishing her order when she did her food stamps card, not enough…So she rummaged through her purse and came up with a fiver. Still not enough. Her total was 7.77.
I hadn’t got paid since 2 weeks prior so I was short on cash. I decided that I didn’t need lunch for the next 3 days, and took out my wallet handed her my debt card and told her my pin. She just stood there and stared at me. She told me no and I told her to do it and she reluctantly agreed. After the transaction was finished she handed me the $5 bill, I looked at her, sat it in front of her and said go buy yourself something nice.
She picked it up, and just started bawling her eyes out. Came around and gave me a hug, and cried some more and told me thank you countless times. She told me she’d find a way to pay me back, but I told her I didn’t want her to pay me back, but to help someone else when they were in need, she told me she would. I then told her to have a nice night and sent her on her way. As I was leaving I saw her pulling out of the parking lot still crying with her mother driving. That night made a big impact on me, I was happy I could help someone in need, and sad there are people that have it that bad.
Months later, I was still working at wally-world and as always, I was short on cash. My rent was overdue by a week at that point and I needed a hundred or so dollars to be able to pay for it or I’d have to ask friends to lend me money and I don’t enjoy doing that.
Out of nowhere, the woman whom I’d met months before arrived at the store and she told me that she’d recently landed a job and had me to thank for it because I helped her through a really difficult time. I spoke to her for a few minutes and she inquired about my own well being, knowing that I was struggling just like she was months ago. She pulled out a hundred dollars from her wallet when she heard that I needed money for rent.
I refused, of course, but she insisted on giving it to me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I guess I took it and thanked her so much for it. I haven’t cried this hard for a very long time. I’m always reminded in the kindness of strangers and I’m so glad I was able to help her when I did. What goes around comes around.
What happened in the past often stays with you and affects the present – and sometimes in very unexpected ways. This is one such story.
A woman is pregnant with triplets. One day she goes into a bank just as it’s being held up. The robbery goes wrong and she gets shot 3 times in the stomach, but luckily she lives.
She gets rushed to the hospital, where she sees a doctor who tells her that her children will be all right, and that one day the bullets will simply come out.
15 years later, one of her triplets, a girl, runs out of the bathroom and says “MOM, MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!”
So the mother tells her the story of what happened 15 years ago.
The next day, the second daughter comes out and says the same thing, “MOM, I WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND A BULLET CAME OUT!”
Once again, the mother tells the story of what happened 15 years ago.
On the third day the son comes out and says “MOM, MOM!”
She smiles and asks, “Let me guess, you were going to the bathroom and a bullet came out?”
The boy replies, “No, I was jerking off and suddenly I shot the dog!”
Little Susan raised her hand and said: “Ms. Jefferys I just learned that Jonah in the bible was swallowed by a whale.”
The teacher replied that it is physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
The girl did not believe her teacher and replied, “Ms. Jefferys I am almost certain Jonah was swallowed by a whale.”
“I am telling you, it is not possible,” replied the teacher.
The little girl raised her hand again. “My Sunday school teacher told me Jonah was swallowed by a whale and she would NEVER lie to me.”
Frustrated, the teacher replied, “That is a ‘story’ from the bible, it is not factual, and I will not argue with you anymore Susan”
After a little thought, the girl finally said, “Well then, when I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah myself”.
In an attempt to fluster the little girl, the teacher replied, “What if Jonah didn’t go to heaven?”
The girl quickly responded, ” . . . . . ok, then YOU ask him.”
A man escapes from a prison and breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain… do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
His wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. I love you, too!”
A 17-year-old boy who works part-time at Pizza Hut drives up his parent’s driveway in a Porsche….
Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.
He very calmly tells them, “ I bought it today.”
“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how much a Porsche costs and you cannot afford it”
“Well, it’s used and I Got a good deal” says the boy, “This one cost me 20 dollars.”
At this point, the parents don’t believe him and start yelling even louder.
“Who on earth would sell a car like that for 20 dollars?!”
“The woman up the street,” the boy replies.
“Name please?” Asked the mom
“I don’t know her name–she just moved in. She order a pizza and I delivered it to her and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for 20 dollars.”
“Oh my gosh,” the mom moans. “She must be some sort of crazy. Who knows what she will do next? Tim, you go right up there now and see what’s going on.”
The boy’s dad and mom hurry over to their new neighbor’s house, ready to demand an explanation. Curiously, their new neighbor is calmly planting flowers in her front yard.
“I’m the father of the kid you just sold a sports car to for $20,” the dad says. “I need an explanation from you – ASAP!”
“Well,” the woman says, not looking up from her garden. “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip in Florida, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”
“What on earth does that have to do with selling our son a Porsche for $20?” The boy’s mom asks, utterly perplexed.
The new neighbor smiles very big, and pauses for a minute.
“Well, my husband asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
A fifty-ish woman was at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?” The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don’t care. I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18 year-old.” The husband said, “What did he say about your 56 year old ass?” “Your name never came up,” she replied.:)
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, “He mated 50 times last year.”
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, “This bull mated 120 times last year. ” The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, “That’s more than twice
a week! You could learn a lot from him.”
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, “This bull mated 365 times last year.” The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband’s rib, said,
“That’s once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one.”
The husband looked at her and said, “Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.”
When spouses cheat on each other, the fallout can be absolutely disastrous.
Making a scene in public isn’t that uncommon, but this clever wife in Texas found a better,
subtler way to let everyone know how disappointed she was in her cheating husband.
She took out a classified ad in a Texas newspaper, sending a message
out to her husband and his message, signed with love. You’re going to love this.
When Timeshia Brown discovered her husband Patrick was sleeping around and
got a girl pregnant, she didn’t set his car on fire. She did, however,
find a better way to burn him. Her ad reads:
I would like to say congratulations to Shara Cormier and Patrick Brown.
They are expecting a baby.
Hope you both are really in love and I hope it works out.
It’s possible she meant some of the well-wishing, but you know for sure
she was laughing all the way to the newspaper.